While browsing instagram/etsy/the internet, I keep seeing these ultra-simple, instant download nursery art printables that say things like "Be Brave" and "dream big, little one" in a trendy "hipster" font. Occasionally, the text is adorned with simple graphics like arrows.
Why are people paying $5 to download a picture of two words in a font that is free to download? Babies can't even read.
I created some designs of my own to mock this cliché decor, each using a phrase from best-selling nursery instant-download printables. And, if you do not know how to use a word processor to create your own nursery art in a trendy typeface (hint: type "free hipster font" into google), you can purchase instant high-resolution 8x10 printable downloads of my designs at the new Ironic Baby Etsy. Most designs are available in pink or blue for traditional girls and boys, and in black or non-conforming colors for the gender-neutral baby.
You are our greatest adventure, so please don't ruin it for us with the "terrible twos" or teen angst or by being a bad person in general.
First we had each other, then we had you, now we are super in debt & have everything that targeted advertising told us we needed to buy to be good parents.
This is called a compass rose. You will probably never use a physical compass in your life. It's best to just sit back and let Waze take you wherever you need to go.
Reach for the Stars. Haha, you look stupid. Your arms are way too short to reach the stars, kid.
Be Brave. Or not, because honestly, even if you are a huge coward and lock yourself into your house and become a hoarder when you grow up, I will still love you more than anything else in this world. But life will be a whole lot more enjoyable if you act with courage, and I want you to love your life because I love you.
Dream big, little one, but remember that college tuition can result in a crippling debt that will leash you to your menial job and erase your hopes of becoming financially independent and achieving your life goals.
A Mermaid Sleeps Here. JK, this is a human baby. Please don't steal her for science.
You belong among the wildflowers. I think that is a safe place for babies, right? Like, in nature and stuff? I hope you aren't allergic to pollen or bees. Come to think of it, you might belong indoors binge-watching Netflix. I'm not sure yet; you're just a baby.
To my faithful readers who know that I have been neglectful of the blog lately: I've been doing a lot of art and design work that hasn't made its way on my website yet, but it is coming. Hope you enjoyed this quick, silly design project!
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